To be honest, I have no good ideas for an article to write for scouts due today. My team stinks and is uninteresting so here are some of the top CSL contenders and which SpongeBob characters they remind me of.
Miami Heat: Spongebob Squarepants
Since the Heat are the defending champions, they get to be the star of the show, SpongeBob himself. While Silo as a GM may be more like Squidward personality wise, when you win the championship you become the face of the league. Every day when we log into the site we have to look at Ben Simmons dumb face, so I guess by default, the Heat get to be SpongeBob. Congrats Miami, you win.
Sacramento Kings: Patrick Star
The real star of the show goes to bt and the Kings. Patrick is everyone’s actual favorite SpongeBob character, and the real reason people tune into the show after the age of seven. Personality wise this also doesn’t match, as Patrick is known for being silly and stupid, and as far as I know, that is most definitely not bt. That said, the Kings have been the model CSL franchise for years - they’re consistently good, they make the right decisions and there’s always a method to the madness. That’s Patrick Star - consistently good and funny, and never misses.
Boston Celtics: Squidward Tentacles
This couldn’t possibly be a better match. I decided to write this article specifically so I could make this comparison. Dennis is quite literally the human form of Squidward, minus the really long nose (at least I really hope so). Squidward is very much a main character, just as Dennis and his Celtics are every year. Personality wise though, Squidward and Dennis are one in the same. Always grumpy? Check. Complaining about something? Check. Hates everything about the league and some of the other GMs but secretly loves it and would never give it up? Check.
His relationship with the rest of the league is exactly like Squidward’s relationship with SpongeBob. Does he act like he hates Spongebob? Sure does. Does he complain about Spongebob ever chance he gets? Yup. But does he ever move away from living directly next to him and does he ever not appear in an episode? Nope. He’s never going away, because secretly, he loves it. That’s Dennis and his Celtics in a nutshell.
Houston Rockets: Mr. Krabs
I think KW would agree that the Rockets aren’t necessarily true contenders this year, but man this comparison felt right. Whether it’s outside shooting or draft picks, KW is always trying to accumulate the most he possibly can of something. He goes full tilt on everything. Just like Mr. Krabs is always trying to accumulate as much money as possible. Krabs is greedy, but he runs a fantastic business in the Krusty Krab. While I wouldn’t call KW greedy, his business approach is often very similar, and he runs a consistently good franchise.
New York Knicks: Plankton
Plankton is the show’s villain. Andrew is the GM of the Knicks. I don’t feel like I need to go into any more detail here. This is a perfect comparison and we all know it.
Golden State Warriors: Sandy Cheeks
I was going to avoid doing any admins, but the Warriors are legit contenders this year. Sandy is an awesome character, she’s funny and relevant but she’s also a badass. She’s a literal karate master, that’s someone you don’t want to mess around with. Kind of like the Warriors this year, especially now that they have #CommishPrivilege. Alright that’s all I got. Thanks for the scouting points and if you made it this far, congrats on reading the dumbest article in CSL history.
2020, 2023, 2027
.. even though I know actually nothing about spongebob